Koinonia Pastoral Counseling
Blog By:
Pr. Jessica Furino
195 Meetinghouse Road
South Chatham, Ma 02659
(908) 917-5593 [email protected]
Blog
Great advice from the best Christian Therapists!!!
Posted on September 16, 2019 at 10:55 AM |
This is the beginning of my series with quotes from the most insightful and discerning therapists that I know.
Dr. Henry Cloud is well known for his work and development with the Boundaries Therapy.
Here is one of the things he says about relationships and boundaries in his newsletter.
On hurt and wounds:
"We have natural responses to being hurt that are part of our imperfections. We do not always respond well to stresses in our lives. These responses come easily to us, but they are not helpful to our personal growth. Next time someone hurts you, try using these tools:
Acknowledge the Wound. Don't Deny it. When we are hurt emotionally, we tend to deny it. For example, an unloving wife may wound a husband's heart, but he may not want to appear weak or vulnerable. Or he may think he is being overly sensitive. Or he may think that admitting his hurt is being disloyal or mean to his wife. So he shrugs off the wound. However, he is living a lie. Just saying something doesn't hurt us doesn't make it go away, and the wounded heart stays injured.
Stay Connected. Don't Isolate. We tend to withdraw from relationship when we hurt. Some people are afraid of their dependencies on others. Others feel guilty about burdening friends with their problems. Still, others try to be self-sufficient. None of these responses helps a person heal and grow.
Love and Forgive. Don't Retaliate. People also "naturally" lash back when they are hurt, and they desire revenge on the one who hurt them. Like little kids, they will harbor murderous intentions and attempt to retaliate. For example, a woman who has been betrayed by a man she is dating may then do the same to him. Perhaps they had agreed to an exclusive relationship, deepening their commitment and trust. Then she found out he was seeing someone else. The problem with rationalizing retaliation is that while he certainly needs to know how he hurts others, it's more likely to help him justify his own behavior.
Practice Self Control. Don't be Controlled. Our initial response to being hurt is that we lose self-control. Our getting hurt in a relationship is proof of how little control we have over others in the first place. Many times we transfer power onto the person who has hurt us, which makes things worse. For example, a man may realize his parents have been emotionally unresponsive to him all his life. He may see how this unresponsiveness has made his relational life difficult, as he has not been connected enough to his inner self to connect to others. As he understands this, he may then also become obsessed with trying to get his parents to see what they did to him or get them to apologize, or get them to re-parent him and provide him for what they did not when he was a child.
Good relationships do involve confronting, forgiving, and reconciling. However, some people make the injured self the focus of their lives, letting the other person control them. In this way, they put their hearts under the power of the very ones who injured them. That's not a productive way to live.
Let's talk about more about healthy alternatives to addressing pain.
Until next time ...
Cheers,
Henry"
Â
Â
Â
Â
Â
Categories: None
Post a Comment
Oops!
The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.
3172 Comments



nline/ - canadian pharmacy[/URL - [URL=http://littlebackpackbigworld.com/product/malegra-oral-jelly
-flavoured/ - pharmacy prices for malegra oral jelly flavoured[/URL - [URL=http://lokcal.org/product/hydrazide/ - hydrazide without dr prescription usa[/URL - hydrazide [URL=http://labash2017.com/clofert/ - clofert information[/URL - [URL=http://aawaaart.com/casodex/ - casodex no prescription[/URL - [URL=http://harvardafricaalumni.com/clopivas/ - clopivas[/URL - [URL=http://alwaseetgulf.com/karela/ - karela[/URL - pelvi-calyceal transversely converting anaprox no prescription lowest price for lanzol online pharmacys no prescription malegra oral jelly flavoured price at walmart lowest price for hydrazide cheapest hydrazide dosage price clofert casodex no prescription clopivas generic cheap karela contracted lymphadeno-pathy, minutes, http://puresportsnetwork.com/anaprox/ anaprox for sale http://cinereresorts.com/product/lanzol/ prices for lanzol http://gormangreen.com/drug/pharmacycialis-canada-pharmacy-online
/ online pharmacy http://littlebackpackbigworld.com/product/malegra-oral-jelly-flav
oured/ where to buy malegra oral jelly flavoured http://lokcal.org/product/hydrazide/ hydrazide http://labash2017.com/clofert/ clofert information http://aawaaart.com/casodex/ casodex http://harvardafricaalumni.com/clopivas/ clopivas without prescription http://alwaseetgulf.com/karela/ karela stutter-free reconstructed laparotomy invasion.



discount pharmacy canada pharmaceuticals online
online pharmacies of canada https://ukcanadianpharmacy.com/

write my essay generator custom college essays
best custom essay website https://essayformewriting.com/

buy low cost cialis soft cialis without a doctor prescription
can cialis be taken with vasotec https://cialisya.com/

subaction showcomments cialis thanks remember cialis generic
cialis vs viagra vs levitra chart https://babecolate.com/

pharmacy drugstore online canadian pharmacies
discount canadian drugs https://canadiannpharmacy.com/

us essay writers write my essay for cheap
professional college essay writers https://essayformewriter.com/

cialis soft canada online generic cialis 2020
kann man cialis in holland kaufen https://cialisya.com/

pharmacies shipping to usa panacea pharmacy
national pharmacies https://canadianopharmacy.com/

gout and cialis cialis tadalafil
cialis dreampharmaceuticals from https://babecolate.com/

differences between viagra and cialis and levitra cialis for sale
qual o preco do viagra e do cialis https://babecolate.com/buy-cialis-online-without.html

best custom essay site essay
personal essay writers https://formeessaywriting.com/

cialis weekender side effects cialis 20 mg
cialis 20 mg 1 comprimido https://babecolate.com/buy-cialis-online-without.html

what is safer cialis or viagra generic cialis tadalafil
alternative to viagra cialis https://cialisya.com/
Categories
- biblical counseling, renewal, transformation, salvation, redemption, life changes, peace, joy, love, (7)
- counseling, Christian, spiritual coaching, family, self awareness, fellowship, Christmas, salvation, (7)
- Israel, travel, Jesus' home, Jesus' ministry, pilgrimage, Christian journeys, (1)
- Koinona Professional Coaching & Counseling Center (7)
- life coaching,self awareness, self realization, (2)
- life seris (0)
- love the life you live series (0)
- Love the Life You Live, (0)
- spiritual renewal, Christian Counseling (1)
Oops!
Oops, you forgot something.